Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes, the ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things. They push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
so, a friend of mine recently asked me to answer some questions she had about marriage & i thought i’d post ‘em. i’ve only been married to seth for 4 years, so i’ve got a lot to learn, but also…i’ve learned a WHOLE lot in these 4 years. so, for what it’s worth:
Q. Why is marriage great? (better than singleness).
A. 2 are better than 1. 2 brains to think critically & creatively…2 hearts to feel different things. When you are married, you have someone to dream with, to help keep you warm when you’re cold, to tell you when you’re being completely irrational or to encourage you when you’re doing something right. Marriage has saved me from myself. Honestly, I was very happy being single. When I was single I was able to be selfish pretty much all the time. Marriage was a rude awakening for me…because suddenly I had to consider someone else in every single decision I made. But turns out that is the best thing to ever happen to me. To realize that my life is not my own…for myself…I am not entitled to anything…I am called to LOVE…I am called to serve. Marriage has taught me what both of those things really mean.
Q. What has been your biggest disappointment/joy in marriage.
A. Even in marriage, you feel lonely sometimes. Getting married doesn’t fill all the holes in our human hearts. Being known and loved by God does, a MAN, even a husband, does NOT. Biggest joy in marriage…there are so many I don’t know where to start! One of the simplest but most wonderful joys is always having a sidekick. Ever since I got married just being home or cooking dinner or doing housework or going to bed is SO MUCH FUN because I do it with my best friend. There is so much laughter in my life it’s just silly. Another, more profound joy, is the joy of loving someone no matter what. My husband & I have let each other down in some pretty monumental ways…we’ve also seen each other’s darkest places yet we love each other anyway. It’s not always happy, but there is a deep joy in being known & loved anyway. It’s the way Christ loves us, so it feels more right than anything else to love someone like that.
Q. When you were dating your husband, what separated him from any other man.
A. His character. Seth Jones was secure in who he was & it was obvious. I had a deep respect for him the second I met him. Also, he pursued my heart relentlessly. Guys had pursued me before, but not with the confidence that Seth did. But again, it is his character and the fact that he didn’t NEED me to complete him. But he wanted me & chased me, and well…that’s hot.
Q. What was it about him that made you accept his short comings?
A. I realized that I would be in serious trouble if God loved me conditionally. At first, I measured Seth up to a “dream guy” I had in my head and he never measured up. One night, I felt like the Lord said to me, “I don’t love like that. I look at the heart. Look at Seth’s heart. Love like I do.”
Q. Has your husband always been a spiritual leader? If not did he learn to become that way over time?
A. I think we’re still not completely sure what that means. But I do know that Seth is becoming more of the man I need him to be [and the man he was created to be] as time goes by for SURE. I would definitely tell anyone who isn’t married or who is about to get married to let go of any expectations for your future husband to love & lead you perfectly right at the start. It’s amazing how things get better and better as time goes by [if you work at it].
Q. If you are extremely passionate about an issue that your husband isn’t how do you cope? (make or break issues)
A. I talk to God. I talk to people who do share my passions. It seems catastrophic to not share your greatest passions with your husband, but it’s not. Be anxious about nothing, pray about everything. So again, I talk to God…and trust that He will knit my husband & I’s hearts together as they need to be. I also never let an issue I’m passionate come before Seth & me. I decided a long time ago that I would sacrifice anything for Seth. That’s not sexy to hear probably, but I know God honors it. And honestly, a healthy marriage will springboard you towards the issues you need to invest in, not hold you back from engaging in them.
Q. Are you always attracted to your husband? If not, how have you dealt with this.
A. Nope. I deal with it by accepting it. The days I’m not attracted to my husband I just kinda smile and know that it will pass and I WILL be attracted to him again. There are seasons in marriage. I have learned to let my WILL manifest my FEELINGS. Not the other way around. I don’t freak out when my feelings don’t line up to what’s true. I let what’s true put my feelings in their place. Say I’m attracted to a hot guy who isn’t my husband & we have this magical connection…and in the meantime, I’m not attracted to my husband and he’s not loving me well that day. I could freak out and question my marriage. Or I can be wise and question my feelings. If they don’t line up to the truth that my husband and I are ONE & God has joined us together, then I tell those feelings to PEACE OUT.
Q. Do you believe in “The One” or choosing wisely?
A. This is tricky. Because I believe that God brought me the perfect man for ME. But I don’t believe in “the one”. I believe that we get to choose. But when we choose a man…he becomes “the one” as long as we both live. No question about that.
Q. Did you ever feel like you had to completely give up your dream/passion/calling in exchange for marriage? (this scares the crap out of me)
A. I’ve had to make sacrifices for SURE. This used to scare the crap out of me too, btw. But I think that ultimately, we can’t mess up God’s will for our lives if we’re seeking Him first. And honestly, a love relationship [a marriage relationship] is NOT going to be the thing that keeps us from our calling/dream/passion. And when we put our “calling” over a person, I think we’re in trouble. We have to be sure that our “calling” does not become our identity and/or our idol. And again, a healthy relationship will spur us towards our calling & better equip us to live our dreams. Ultimately, TRUST GOD with your life. Seek him first…let HIM and him alone be your answer, your guide, your satisfaction, and everything will happen as it should. Surrender your marriage, or potential marriage to him. Surrender your dreams to him. Let go of everything but Christ himself and He’ll blow your MIND with how good his plan is for you.
a few days ago i got to be a part of a really fun shoot styled by my friend latrice [opulentcouturier.com] and shot by an incredible photographer named leslee mitchell. i have a full-fledged photog crush on this woman!! check her (& incidentally me!) out.
side note: this shoot took place at one of the prettiest places! a farm in leipers fork called southall eden [southalleden.com]. my hair & make-up was done by sherita leslie [sheritaleslie.com]. and the dress (the wedding one) was provided by the lovely ladies at the bride room [thebrideroom.com]. i think that covers it:).
it’s better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
welp, if the 1st week of the 27th year of my life is any indication of how the rest of this year will be, then i am…excited:).
i like the adventure of life.
…she is clothed with strength and dignity. she can laugh at the days to come…
—proverbs 31:25, the woman of valor